I've blown a few things in my day
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
The air was thick with penises
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
Randomize
