making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
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