it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
Randomize
