is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
I think your dad took our porno
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
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