good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
Randomize
