awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Randomize
