Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
