I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
