he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Randomize
