Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
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