You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
Randomize
