So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
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