I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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