Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Randomize
