We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
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