I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
