things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
It's official drugs can't kill me
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Randomize
