mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
Randomize
