Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
