The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
