While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
Randomize
