Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
Randomize
