K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
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