Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
Randomize
