What a fucking waste of an outfit
Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
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