I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
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