that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
Randomize
