Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Randomize
