I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
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