Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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