i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
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