I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
Randomize
