my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Randomize
