i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
