maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
