Sry I called you an 8
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
Randomize
