You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
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