I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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