I'm gonna have a badass scar
I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
