HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
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