I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
Randomize
