Well apparently he's into motor boating.
I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
Randomize
