I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
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