eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
I think we might need a safe word for this...
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