apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
Randomize
