I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
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