Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
Randomize
