I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
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