i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
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