2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
Where are you???
With some dude on the way to his house to blaze
You went back to a stranger's house????
He isn't a stranger...he used to be on kids, inc.
I love LA.
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
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