He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
I can't trust your balls anymore.
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
