it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
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