1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
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