Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
Randomize
