How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
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