Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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